sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We have started to decorate penises.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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