she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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