I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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