I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
