Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize