I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
