I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
