I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize