My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
