pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
