you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
