Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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