so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
