what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize