how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Non-Jews are for practice
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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