I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
