I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
