somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
