I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Boobs speak an international language.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
