yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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