You just made me feel so damn special
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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