I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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