and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
