she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
