things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
