Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
