remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
