I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
