i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
