She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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