My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
