Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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