Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize