Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
