Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
