And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
