You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
