hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
