may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
