im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
