THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
