Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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