Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
