i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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