oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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