She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
