I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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