just tell him i said nine months
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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