I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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