oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
