I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize