on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you had me at cake vodka
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
