Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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