Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
