I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
