I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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