I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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