I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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