A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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