Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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