Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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