Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
