; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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