I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
