Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
