May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
