two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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