You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
