If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
