I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
