Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
you are never too drunk for berry picking
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
