I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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