I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
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