There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
