if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize