I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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