in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
