talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
