You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
