I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
