Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
