I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
