I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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