I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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