can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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