I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
