I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
