youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
