He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
