funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
