I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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