Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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