You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
