Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
