Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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