Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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