i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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