just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My pussy is not your playground.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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