If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So squirting runs in the family.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
