When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize