going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
