Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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