can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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