Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
