Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize