but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
