If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just pee around me
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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