sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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