I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
