The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
