So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize