dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
