I like to think it a success when the cops are called
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
