you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
